The Autopsy Report

It's hard for us to swallow that

life isn't what it is in the movies.

We turn bitter as pills when

people we love don't love us back

and no amount of cough syrup 

consumed

can make it better.

All the MRI's are useless

because they can't tell why

our bones feel so heavy

and an open-heart surgery reveals

that we have a heart

but we can't feel it beating. 

All this-- all of us

are drowning in 

translucent anodyne. 

Enchantment of Words and Lures of a Hope.

A tiny smile spreads,

As another message beeps.

Like a simple enchantment,

In words, we speak.

Some delight develops,

And, fills their sober heart.

Under the shadows of the night,

There sings a chorus in their hearts.

Like the stars that stir,

Talking as they twinkle;

The lovers, underneath,

The stars, they resemble.

Into the early lights of dawn,

Forgotten were the hours for slumber.

The smile spreads longer,

As the phone beeps again.

Beneath the moon,

That both share.

In faraway places,

Their hearts briefly despair.

In notes of silence of a lingering wait,

A ballad of affection slowly creates.

And so returns the smile,

With lures of words and a hope.

Swati Jain

Going Away

So, I recently shifted studies for reasons pertaining to my education. The city I've shifted to has this feeling of age, if you know what I mean. I look down from my balcony and I feel that the hospital next door has been here for centuries, with its generator groaning continuously, day and night, until it becomes silence itself. 

The birds don't stop chirping here. The dogs bark all night. People start yelling at 5 AM in the morning, which is how I wake up. It rains every afternoon here. The people are so, so kind and helpful. 

While I still dream of Sattal, this is a place that I have fallen in love with very quickly. I've found few but good friends here ( a real feat for me, considering how shy and reserved I am) and I'm loving my course, my readings (even if it's Dickens's Bleak House). 

This city isn't home, though. I have only gone away from it. This city has the potential to be my home, and I'm scared it will be, because I already have a home. 

My home is where the people I love live: my family, my friends (D, A, R). And I make this post today as a sudden bout of nostalgia hits me. God, I miss you guys. 

On this note, I end this post because I'm about to burst into tears. 

Till next time!

Yours, 
Orange  

Title Under Progress

"...I want so desperately

to be finished with desire,

the rushing wind, the still

small voice."

~Boston, Aaron Smith

You're finished with desire

And the desire finishes you.

I seek to articulate loss

of what I never had,

never owned,

of what was never mine to begin with.

I cannot own time,

nor moments spent together.

Seconds slip through my memory,

fade away, 

until they finally disappear.

I want to be done with it: 

this all-consuming desire,

before it is done with me--

before it finishes me.

But I am already burning.

Fallen Umbrella

In all those windy days,

During all those

Aerial nights.

I thought you’d stay

I thought you’d stay.

That one reason to fight

Myself, to let you stay,

Falling low, falling stray.

Walking besides the beach,

In that little, hardly rain.

Thinking and thinking,

Over and over again.

It wasn’t worth it,

You weren’t worth it.

You’re just like them,

All those other men.

Unforgettable, as ever.

But makes me no clever.

Risked it all,

Put my heart on tow.

Throwing away

All those unsent letters,

Putting away

That really mattered.

Watching them fly,

Free bird at night,

Fluttering on the water,

Disturbing, the quiet.

I feel cheated,

For what I felt was real.

In this, perhaps, last letter,

I wouldn’t say, I love you.

Throwing away my umbrella,

Running from the memories.

Swati Jain

Capturing It. Insane Speaking

My recent purchase and hobby has sent me walking around my house capturing pictures of different things. Mostly, I express my feelings in writing and poems but this new insane, of course, craze has opened a whole new world of learning for me. I am just a beginner, so please be very nice and tell me how are my pictures coming!

Hannibaling

This is my design.

I've started watching a new show recently. It's called Hannibal. It's extremely gory, scary and disturbing. Please don't watch if you can't handle all three. 

Because it's so disturbing, I thought writing about it here would... be slightly inappropriate? Check out what I think about it here, though, if you're so inclined--

http://weirdtelevisionwatchers.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/art-and-the-artist-in-hannibal/

Will update soon!