The Shades of Autumn

I was going to name this entry 'Autumn blues', but Autumn isn't blue and 'Autumn Oranges' sounded just strange, so I thought 'The Shades of Autumn' should be okay. 

So, it's October again. The weather turned beautiful today, which is strange because usually, Autumn turns up in December where I live. However, I'm miserable because I'm not enjoying the good weather. I have an exam on 17th and a submission on 23rd, and life is just being sapped out of me by work. My exam is on writngs by Foucault, and I had to read too many articles by Foucault in a very short amount of time. Although I love Foucault, reading so much of him in a very short amount of time is counterproductive as I can't internalize it. Internalize might be the wrong word because it implies that I adopt it for myself without questioning it. Maybe 'praxis' would be a better word. Now only if I knew it's verb form :P

Anyway, it's already 10th October and NaNoWriMo is coming back again in another 21 days. I did start something last year, but that fell through horribly because the plot was so weak that I couldn't take it forward. I learnt a lot of lessons from last year's NaNoWriMo.

1. I cannot write for extended periods of time in first person.
2. I cannot write only romances or political/business drama or crime thrillers.
3. My plots are rubbish.

Yeah. So, I have no idea what to write for this NaNoWriMo. I really want to write something, though. I've never been able to write something long. Mostly because I lose interest because the plot sucks, but also because I frequently get writer's blocks. That's why I think it'd be a great idea to have a Beta (editor who gives inputs on the plot and other aspects) or a co-writer. If you're interested, please please please comment on this post. I don't want another NaNoWriMo to pass by with me doing nothing.

Happiness Collides. Swati.

Happiness collides,

With a little sorrow and mumbling lies.

Knew you from a time before,

Knew enough, to know you more.

You continue looking,

Straight into my eyes.

Talking in another language,

I couldn’t confide.

I still remember the softness

Of your beautiful eyes.

I miss the way you looked at me,

And how you made me smile.

All those pretty flowers,

On the day things went bad.

I also remember the day,

You left me, sad.

There’s this happiness,

And an old melancholy.

It’s like from another time,

We knew and when we met.

Formality and manners,

Greetings and words.

What have we come to-

From lovers to this?

I hug you tight,

And you hold me close.

We don’t talk of the past,

Just smile at us.

I still feel the fireworks,

The little, that are left.

I still feel the happiness,

And the sorrow, that we fell.

I cannot understand what this is,

What this meeting meant.

I have nothing bad to swear,

Only good feelings to bear.

So, one thing went wrong,

And it was a big blunder.

But, what we had,

I’d cherish forever.

Swati Jain

September 12, 2013

Joy

Drizzling little joy,

In another corner, little end.

The impending dark cloud,

Will move away.

Little rain, if falls,

Will make you happy, just stay.

And if it’s the dawn you wait for,

It will break through the sky

Bringing some hope

Some light, some life.

Water your lilies,

Peonies and orchids.

Tie them in a neat bunch,

And send it to my address.

The dew of the rain,

On those freshly plucked flowers,

The smell that they carry,

And their magical powers.

Aim for your wishes,

But do something, too.

Come up with hopes,

That won’t come true.

Smile at the disappointment,

If things don’t fall through.

Don’t get disheartened,

The rainbow’s coming soon.

Smile and open that book of joy again,

There’s another story,

A new happy end.

Just the turn the page,

And change the tune to another one.

Swati Jain

September 12, 2013

September Agonies. Swati

As the days towards September come closer,

The beats of my heart start to ache.

They pick me up slowly,

And take me to flashback,

Of four years ago.

They ride me slowly,

Wishing I could go back,

Back to the world,

Where, I still had you.

Not all fell apart,

Yet, nothing is quite the same.

Your absence has left me stranded,

Yet, I am glad your torment ended.

Back to those days,

Where you would slowly pat my head,

Where the place you lived in exist.

Back to the world,

Where, I still had you.

I am reminded and scared,

Pains to know,

You are not coming back.

How do I see you?

How do I talk?

How do I know, you hear me?

Tell me how do I get-

Back to the world,

Where, I had you with me.

Swati Jain

September 1, 2013

Dreams

So, I have this weird fascination with natural disasters. Volcano eruptions, Tsunamis, even sand storms- they are just so awe inspiring and absolutely beautiful. However, I'm in love with tornadoes. I've never witnessed a natural disaster, but if I had to witness one, I'd choose tornadoes. There's something very very powerful about them and along with being powerful, they're beautiful. The amount of destruction they can cause is so intense and I've never been someone who's afraid of destruction. 
I'm not sure what the tornado is a metaphor for, but I have recurrent dreams about it. And even in my dreams, I want to be closer and closer to it, situate myself in its eye, experience the calm with destruction all around me.

The first dream I remember about having a tornado is being in a flat with my family. Suddenly, the lights go out and the alarms are blaring in warning. I know that we need to move out of the house but I can't describe the why yet. I look out of the window to see a tornado with the diameter of half the city moving towards me. Not in a random direction, but towards me. I don't know how I know this, but I know it is targeting only me. We move out quickly and get in the car. The tornado chases us. Soon after, I persuade my family to get out of the car. I take the car away from the city and the tornado's closing on me. But as soon as it touches the car, it disappears.
The second dream I had of tornadoes was during a metro journey in a desert. It was only me and my family in the whole metro and we were travelling fairly calmly when suddenly, the sky grows dark. Down comes one tornado. Then two. And they keep coming until they're five. And then they come for me. All of us are huddled in one compartment. The other compartments and the engine are blown away but our compartment's still moving on the track. The tornadoes surround us, but then suddenly, they disappear.
The latest tornado dream I had was yesterday. I was returning from college to home when a warning for a tornado rang out in our city. Dad offered to come and fetch me but I insisted on travelling in the metro. It was evening and the sky was pitch black. When the tornado came, I could see that it wasn't made of dust, but tar. It came very close to the metro tracks and my metro but it dissipated. But then it came back again and I was worried that the metro track will be destroyed. I wouldn't have minded dying in the tornado but I thought I'd die of the fall due to property damage rather than in a tornado and that was not acceptable to me.  Anyway, irrespective of what I wanted, the tornado barreling through the metro without causing any damage. I was in its eye for about a second, but so were the others. The tornado went on to another path, and the metro stopped at the next station. Then I had to call my dad to pick me up. I could see the tornado passing us by through the car window.

Despite these exciting dreams, I live in a pressure zone where the chances of tornadoes are next to zero. All we have here are earthquakes which are so light that I can't even feel them ._.

The Mandatory Superhero Discussion

So, it's been a very long while (a month) since I posted anything. Honestly, I have no clue how I posted what I did last month. I was so freaked out by the prospect of my final exams that I don't remember anything about May except watching Iron Man 3 twice and Bombay Talkies.

Tbh, I'm looking forward to Avengers 2 after Iron Man 3 (No spoilers for anyone, sorry). But before that, I'd love to see Captain America 1 and 2 (yes, I haven't seen Captain America 1. I'm missing out on all the Steve Rogers goodness D:). I'll probably get the first part from one of my friends (ARE YOU READING THIS, SIDDHANT?). I've never exactly been interested in Thor, mostly because he's an alien (I'll come to why I don't like alien superheroes in a while). But I'd like to read the comics at least. He's a part of the Avengers. I should really watch Thor 1 and 2 before Avengers 2. 

So, about why I don't like alien superheroes- I think it's because I like to think of superheroes in a very different way. For me, superheroes don't only have superpowers. They've also got a certain depth and it is that depth that makes them use their powers the way they do. For example, I dislike Batman (No hate please) because I feel that witnessing the murder of his parents does not justify his silent vigilante persona completely. I could understand him trying to avenge the death of his parents. But the fuel does run out, you know. Trying to keep a watch over a city so that 'good' and 'justice' can prevail is something that I cannot imagine without  a reason. I will also inform the readers that I have not seen the Nolan trilogy.

For me, superheroes are ordinary people with extraordinary powers and it is what happens to them as ordinary people that affects what they choose to do with their powers.  For example, Batman might be the justice system himself, but a guy robbing a woman of her jewellery is not personal to him. On the other hand, the villains that Iron Man have always attacked him very personally. I can't imagine anyone fighting for 'good' or 'right', but I can imagine people fighting in accordance with what is right for them at a personal level. I don't think that this makes Iron Man less of a superhero than Batman because a superhero is supposed to stand for an overarching sense of morality. But in today's world, every one has their own moral code and it's hard to label one particular thing as good or evil. That's why superheroes like Batman and Superman (read DC superheroes) don't work for me. 

However, I feel like I'm doing an injustice to Thor by saying that he's not exactly a superhero because he's an alien (and not a human). He might be from outer space, but what gives me the right to say that he's not human? Seeing his and Loki's relationship and how hard he fights for it (because Loki matters to him), I feel that he's perfectly capable of feeling and understanding human emotions. He might be from a great warrior race, but his reasons for fighting are pretty much personal. 

Some people might also attack me from the point of view of Captain America. Captain America has an overarching sense of right and wrong, what with being from the 1940s. But I still think that his reasons for fighting in 2012 are perfectly personal. He fights because that's all he knows that hasn't changed in the 70 years he's been down below. He fights because it gives him a sense of familiarity, even though his enemies seem to be chosen by S.H.I.E.L.D. However, thanks to the dialogues in Avengers, Captain America does not appear as a brainless automaton. He acknowledges that 'Fury has the same blood on his hands as Loki does', but he chooses to eradicate the bigger threat to the lives of people. His choice comes from what he knows to be 'right', and his kind of 'right' is pretty much redundant in today's world. I like the fact that the other characters seek to provide other kinds of 'rights' for the viewers and establish that no 'right' is superior or inferior to any other. Captain America's morality, in this case, becomes just one of the many. That's why I like the 'man out of time' plot of his story :D

I wrote a message to one of my friends during exams about superheroes. It was quite a general statement, but if I find it someday, I'll put it up here. It was very good :P

Till next time, lovelies!

Love is like a Plastic Bag

I wrote this while studying Neruda's 'Tonight I Can Write'. Personally, I don't like Neruda because he's too mainstream about things. 'Tonight I Can Write' is a poem about love, which is as mainstream as it can get, and I cannot connect to that at all. So I thought I'd write my own love 'something' which I could connect to. The thing about this 'something' is that I'm unsure whether to label it as a prose piece or a poem. So, let's think of it as a prose-poem, yeah? 

Love starts off as being a plastic bag. You're addicted to it. It feels as though you won't be able to function without it. It is easy and comfortable and convenient to carry around and hard to tear. And you keep finding it on the street corners in heaps; used and discarded by people before you. 

And then, love transforms into a plastic bag. It envelops you. It feels as if it is growing tighter around you. It isolates you from everything else. It begins to suffocate you. It doesn't seem to want to let go of you and you're worried that it will kill you. So you throw it away in a street corner, just like people before you.  

 So... What do you guys think?