Displacement

I am not where I am:

I left myself in McDonald's last month,

Sipping ill-advised coke 

While you scarfed down three Big Macs in less than fifteen minutes,

And the constant whir of the coffee machine 

Kept reminding me that I had places to be.

But when we got up to leave,

I left myself in McDonald's

With an absence of you. 

A Form of Protest

So, today seems to be the day for social activism in the University I attend. Because I don't agree with the method of activism by the rest of the student population in my University, I thought I'd add my two cents here. 

So, I attend Jadavpur University (goodbye anonymity, you will be missed), and for those of you who don't know what happened in the past few days, here's a quick summary--

On the evening of 28 August 2014, an undergraduate history honours student was dragged off to the boys' hostel by 10 (possibly drunk) guys and molested. The student body rose against it, and a case was filed and requested an impartial investigation. The VC of Jadavpur University assured such an investigation, but somehow, it never came into being. Simultaneously, one of the professors here went to the girl's house and started asking questions like 'were you drunk?', 'what were you wearing?', etc. The student body got even more agitated and called for the resignation of the professor in question. However, it realised that attention from the main issue was being diverted, so the student body decided to launch a peaceful, non-violent dharna in front of Aurobindo Bhawan. These people sat and made art (sang songs, painted posters, wrote poetry, discussed the problems within the issues and sough to resolve differences among themselves) for over 150 hours. However, night before yesterday, the police surrounded the campus, locked all  exits, brought along water cannons, tear gas and lathis. They gave one warning for the students to disperse, but the students refused (they were still sitting and singing songs and there was no violence involved from the side of the students). When the students refused, the police lathi charged at the weaponless, non-violent body and put a lot of them in the hospital. One, I think, is on ventilation. About 40 more were injured, but weren't serious enough to be hospitalised. The police arrested 8 of those students and didn't even provide water to the students in jail. They were released sometime in the morning and went back home to realise that the VS had given a press statement saying that the students were torturing him (as far as I know, everyone in the group who was singing was a really good singer-- I don't know what the VC is complaining about). So today, the student body, along with faculty members and people from outside of Jadavpur are coming together to boycott and ask for the VCs resignation. 

While the efforts of the student body are very commendable, I find myself unable to join them. This is mostly because I don't think they're fighting the right person. Jadavpur University is a State University and the ultimate control over it is with the current government in power, that is, TMC (Trinamul Congress). The VC is just a puppet in their hands. Even if the VC was to resign under the pressure from so many people, he will be replaced with a person who will also be TMCs puppet.

I find myself astonished by the lengths that TMC will go to to prevent the case from being solved. To be honest, I don't think that TMC would interfere to such an extent if it is not invested in protecting those 10 students. Therefore, I assume that those 10 students have heavy ties with the TMC. That's why I don't think that boycotting and making the VC resign will help in any way to bring justice to the molested girl. The new VC will also be as invested in protecting those 10 boys as this one, because even the new VC will be nothing but TMCs puppet. 

Now, with the knowledge that it's actually TMC who's running the show, what can we do to get the girl justice? In an ideal world, the solution would be to bring down TMC itself. But we know that it can't happen.So, what other avenues are available to us?

1. We can try and cut the ties between TMC and those ten guys. Make it so that the effort to protect those 10 guys become too much for TMC and it gives up on protecting them. Which basically means that we need to create trouble for those guys as much as possible (Personally, I think leaking their identities on the internet and thinking about their connections to the TMC would be cool. As for invasion of privacy, they didn't respect the privacy of the girl they molested. I don't see why their identity should be kept a secret).
2. Use the VC as the mediator that he is. Negotiate a middle ground with the TMC. For example, they might agree to a public apology issued by the ten guys, the VC and the police. It might not be enough but it is something. As I said earlier, this is not an ideal world, so we can't get everything we want. We might have to settle for partial justice. 

   I'll end by reminding you all not to forget that our main objective is to get justice for that girl. Let's not be blinded by the outrage that the lathi charge caused and deal with the issue in a manner that brings about the results we want as quickly as possible. Remember that the lathi charge might have been a tactic to push the issue closer towards the puja holidays, and the puja holidays might damoen the vigour with which we protest now. Justice delayed is justice deferred.

PS- I will admit that I might have misinterpreted the situation in some ways and that I might lack some facts about the situation, but the core of my argument remains the same-- VC is a pawn in the game that TMC is playing. We need to be very careful how we move ahead.  

PPS- If you have any other suggestions that might help resolve the issue, please let me know




Photo credits: aneyezine.com
Check out their article on this issue for more details.
Link: http://www.aneyezine.com/hokkolorob/

The Autopsy Report

It's hard for us to swallow that

life isn't what it is in the movies.

We turn bitter as pills when

people we love don't love us back

and no amount of cough syrup 

consumed

can make it better.

All the MRI's are useless

because they can't tell why

our bones feel so heavy

and an open-heart surgery reveals

that we have a heart

but we can't feel it beating. 

All this-- all of us

are drowning in 

translucent anodyne. 

Enchantment of Words and Lures of a Hope.

A tiny smile spreads,

As another message beeps.

Like a simple enchantment,

In words, we speak.

Some delight develops,

And, fills their sober heart.

Under the shadows of the night,

There sings a chorus in their hearts.

Like the stars that stir,

Talking as they twinkle;

The lovers, underneath,

The stars, they resemble.

Into the early lights of dawn,

Forgotten were the hours for slumber.

The smile spreads longer,

As the phone beeps again.

Beneath the moon,

That both share.

In faraway places,

Their hearts briefly despair.

In notes of silence of a lingering wait,

A ballad of affection slowly creates.

And so returns the smile,

With lures of words and a hope.

Swati Jain

Going Away

So, I recently shifted studies for reasons pertaining to my education. The city I've shifted to has this feeling of age, if you know what I mean. I look down from my balcony and I feel that the hospital next door has been here for centuries, with its generator groaning continuously, day and night, until it becomes silence itself. 

The birds don't stop chirping here. The dogs bark all night. People start yelling at 5 AM in the morning, which is how I wake up. It rains every afternoon here. The people are so, so kind and helpful. 

While I still dream of Sattal, this is a place that I have fallen in love with very quickly. I've found few but good friends here ( a real feat for me, considering how shy and reserved I am) and I'm loving my course, my readings (even if it's Dickens's Bleak House). 

This city isn't home, though. I have only gone away from it. This city has the potential to be my home, and I'm scared it will be, because I already have a home. 

My home is where the people I love live: my family, my friends (D, A, R). And I make this post today as a sudden bout of nostalgia hits me. God, I miss you guys. 

On this note, I end this post because I'm about to burst into tears. 

Till next time!

Yours, 
Orange  

Title Under Progress

"...I want so desperately

to be finished with desire,

the rushing wind, the still

small voice."

~Boston, Aaron Smith

You're finished with desire

And the desire finishes you.

I seek to articulate loss

of what I never had,

never owned,

of what was never mine to begin with.

I cannot own time,

nor moments spent together.

Seconds slip through my memory,

fade away, 

until they finally disappear.

I want to be done with it: 

this all-consuming desire,

before it is done with me--

before it finishes me.

But I am already burning.

Fallen Umbrella

In all those windy days,

During all those

Aerial nights.

I thought you’d stay

I thought you’d stay.

That one reason to fight

Myself, to let you stay,

Falling low, falling stray.

Walking besides the beach,

In that little, hardly rain.

Thinking and thinking,

Over and over again.

It wasn’t worth it,

You weren’t worth it.

You’re just like them,

All those other men.

Unforgettable, as ever.

But makes me no clever.

Risked it all,

Put my heart on tow.

Throwing away

All those unsent letters,

Putting away

That really mattered.

Watching them fly,

Free bird at night,

Fluttering on the water,

Disturbing, the quiet.

I feel cheated,

For what I felt was real.

In this, perhaps, last letter,

I wouldn’t say, I love you.

Throwing away my umbrella,

Running from the memories.

Swati Jain

Capturing It. Insane Speaking

My recent purchase and hobby has sent me walking around my house capturing pictures of different things. Mostly, I express my feelings in writing and poems but this new insane, of course, craze has opened a whole new world of learning for me. I am just a beginner, so please be very nice and tell me how are my pictures coming!

Hannibaling

This is my design.

I've started watching a new show recently. It's called Hannibal. It's extremely gory, scary and disturbing. Please don't watch if you can't handle all three. 

Because it's so disturbing, I thought writing about it here would... be slightly inappropriate? Check out what I think about it here, though, if you're so inclined--

http://weirdtelevisionwatchers.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/art-and-the-artist-in-hannibal/

Will update soon!

Tattoo Manual

I've been trying to convince my parents to get me a tattoo for years now (with no success). This post is dedicated to people who want to convince their parents to let them get a tattoo, provided they're getting it for the right reasons (I don't support impulsive decisions when it comes to tattoos because they're permanent and aren't supposed to be marks of regret later in your lives). 

This post addresses the various reasons why people get tattoos and where could one ideally get a tattoo.

REASONS

According to a tattoo artist on Teen Wolf, the Tahitian word 'tatau' means to leave a mark. Thus, it is not only the content of the tattoo that symbolises something, but the act of getting yourself tattooed itself is symbolic. In many cultures, getting a tattoo is actually a rite of passage. 

However, the reasons for getting tattoos have changed over time. Now, tattoos aren't just symbols of rites of passage; they're style statements, drunken mistakes, and so on and so forth. Very often, they're regretted later in peoples' lives because they haven't thought properly about what getting a tattoo would mean. To illustrate, I once came across a facebook post in which a girl got the face of her boyfriend of one week on her arm. And then he broke up with her because he thought she was a creep. While it was spectacularly hilarious to read, it really is something to think about. People get their partners' names tattooed all the time, and when there's a divorce/break-up, they regret their tattoo. The point of this paragraph is this: do not get a tattoo if you aren't 100% sure that you won't regret it. 

Then there are people who get impersonal tattoos that is meant more for style statement than what it personally means to the person who carries the tattoo. Very often, regrets in this case range from fading of colours of tattoos (which makes it lose points for style) to the design of tattoo going out-of-date. Sometimes, people just deal with having these tattoos. They have no specific attachments to them. If you're thinking about getting a tattoo for reasons that have the phrase 'style statement' somewhere in them, then you need to think carefully if you get one. Make sure you do not regret it.

Now the third reason to get a tattoo goes back to the tahitian meaning of the word itself. Being marked is a rite of passage itself, but the content of the mark illustrates exactly what you're trying to immortalise. For example, one of my friends wanted a phoenix tattoo because she wanted her body to carry the proof that she overcame the hard periods in her life and was born anew because of them. These kinds of tattoos are hard to regret, especially if you're a sentimentalist who loves to hoard various things/marks that represent important moments in your life. 

My reason for wanting a tattoo is the third one-- I want a tattoo that captures something that I will always believe in. It would be a kind of an anchor for me. So, when I find myself adrift, I can just look at it and feel grounded. Obviously, it was hard to find something that I will always believe in-- I took years and years to decide what I believed in the most. And then I took some more time to think about what could capture what I believed in perfectly. I want an Oroboros. For people who do not know what it is, it is a serpent eating it's own tail. It means a lot of things to me: it means that no matter how many changes I may face, there is still hope for some continuity; it means that I can always find light at the end of a dark tunnel; it means balance between what I do and what I get. It also marks me as a Slytherin (which was a secondary, but not unimportant reason for me choosing this). 

POSITIONING

If you're not a celebrity, I'd recommend that you be smart about where you get the tattoo. A lot of professional fields are very strict about tattoos on bodies. It's fairly justified too-- if you're a lawyer and you have a smiley face tattooed on your cheek, do you really expect any potential clients, the opposition or even the judge to take you seriously? There are some rules that need to be followed when you're deciding where to get a tattoo. take a look at the following points:

1. Make sure that your tattoo isn't exposed too much to the sun. 

The more exposed your tattoo is to the sun, the faster it fades. And tattoos really don't look nice if they're faded. 

2. Make sure it can be easily hidden.

Being a lawyer or a banker doesn't mean that you can't have a tattoo-- just be smart about where you're getting it. Make sure to get it in a place where people can't see it. While this may go against the mindsets of people who want to flaunt their tattoos to the world, they need to realise that getting a tattoo in an overly exposed patch of skin would not only make it fade faster, but can also have severe repercussions later in their lives.

3. The pain factor.

Getting tattooed on fleshy parts hurt less. So, if you're looking for places where they can be easily hidden and yet not cause you a lot of pain when it's being done, think of places like chest, biceps, stomach. Because I'm a masochist (my teacher said so; sometimes I believe her), I want to get mine close to my ankle. The ankle is one of the most painful areas where one can get a tattoo because it's so close to the bone. I imagine mine as the serpent would look like it's wrapped around my ankle, instead of a circle on it. Just remember-- if pain is a factor which affects where you get a tattoo, avoid bone-protruding areas.

Mom, dad, if you're reading this, please know that I've really really thought about this and I really want a tattoo. 

For people in Delhi who are looking for Tattoo parlours to go to or tattoo artists to get more information from, I'd recommend you seek out Mr. Adarsh in Kamla Nagar. He's more into piercing, but his sister-in-law has a tattoo parlour (the visiting card for which I've inconveniently misplaced) in Kamla Nagar itself. I'm pretty sure his magic hands are a family thing, so if my parents allow me to get a tattoo, I'd be making my way over there without a second thought.

If you need to know something more about tattoos, you can always leave a comment for yours sincerely, 
~Orange

About Writing

So, I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I was employed as an editor, right? Well, my job profile includes a lot of writing. While I personally prefer to read more than write, I still enjoy what I've been writing. I realised one thing, though-- writing is hard.

A lot of people say that, yes. They talk about not being able to articulate themselves, or rambling off onto some other topics and so on and so forth, but the problems I faced were distinctly different. The thing is, I'm supposed to write long works. Like, really long. As in, I don't need to do a NaNoWriMo ever again long.

While it's easier for me to develop a plot and build a story around it, what I had real problems with was consistency of character development. This really becomes a problem in works which have to be in a series. I have to make the same characters, lead them into a different situation, and make sure that they do not appear to be completely different people from the earlier book in the series. 

And then there's the whole thing about letting characters go too. While writing characters, I get deeply attached to them. And then comes the time to kill them. I feel like crying every freaking time I have to do so. I don't know how Rowling did it. Fred, Severus, Dumbledore and all those characters were so close to her. They were like her horcruxes, little parts of her own soul and she had to kill them. It's really distressing and not good for mental health.

Anyway, I will end this post with a writing tip: It doesn't matter what you're going to write about, ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH. If you're writing about a social cause, make sure you know a lot about it (if not everything), if one of your character has Asperger's or ADHD, make sure to research about them and then start forming the character. Research does not always mean Google. It's better if you know someone who's familiar with what you're writing about (a person with Asperger's if you're writing a character who has Asperger's). But if you do not, Google's fine too. Just make sure that you do your research carefully. Plot loopholes because of lack of research are a bitch. Seriously.  

Yours, 

~Orange

The Perfect Storm

One of the reasons I'm very erratic at blogging is that I can only write if I find myself at the eye of the storm (metaphorically speaking, of course) and the motivation just hits me. When this happens, I need to write down whatever I'm thinking. I can't capture it later. Usually, I have my phone with me, so I type it on that. Today, I'm blogging whatever I typed out during the dust storm that happened a few hours ago.

The weather turned suddenly.  The wind cradled the dust and rose in a spiral upwards. The leaves left their safe abodes to come out and dance with the dust in a silent symphony. The wind howled with joy and raced the cars in the street, winning and losing at the same time. It wanted to grow bigger and bigger—into a storm and into a hurricane. When the transformation finally happened, the storm grinned with flashes of lightning and the sky lit up. The raindrops made their way down, eager to play with the dust that couldn’t rise up. Petrichor was here.  

I also clicked a picture called 'Stormy Lights' and put it up on Instagram. Follow me at 'INSANEORANGE9' to see it (I'm still figuring out how to find a link to an Instagram picture. Help?)

Technologically inept and yours,

~Orange

What We Mean

What we mean

Is not to be articulated

Because words aren't enough

To accommodate meaning.

Not even the ship of poetry

Can bring meaning home to you.

Why, then, do we speak at all?

Because being human means

Being doomed to persevere futilely.

~Orange

Hope, You.

The gush of the wind,

Awoke my slumber,

I reached for my phone,

Nothing again, I trembled.

Languishing with my thoughts,

Awaiting escape to another slumber.

A whole twinkling passes,

Nothing again, I know.

My imagination runs with wings,

Thinking my phone would ring.

You’d want to come back,

I wouldn’t have to ask,

You would, you would call.

But, I told you not to.

Never to call again.

Yet, at every tick,

I hope its you.

The sound of my own breath,

Too loud, yet empty.

In this lull of the night,

If I could wish for you,

I might.

Hope falls like dried leaves of fall,

Nothing again, tempted to look.

Fallen daisies, hyperbole anticipations,

Empty answers and my fragmenting heart.

I told you not to, but I hope you do.

Swati Jain

February 8, 2014

Swaaaati gets insanely moody.

So, I was looking up things and quotes relating to 'Never settle'. I am taking that one like very seriously. I looked at my choices of the past. I have settled way to many times. Made my peace with pieces I was given. I am going all philosophical. I swear to you I am not smoking up. Not just yet. 

So. I read like these awesomely confusing "motivating" quotes of why I have been single. 

Get ready to be amused.

1. Never settle for anything less than butterflies.

I love butterflies. I love when it's all tingly and happy and my stomach is on a constant roller-coaster and I feel so poetic and happy. Yes. But, do butterflies always mean like fireworks? 

What's better fireworks or butterflies?

Or both? Or are both equally foolish? Because fireworks are for a few moments and the way you feel when you had them, you never forget. Inever forget I have never felt that way. It's not sad. It's just I like stupid boys. 

Butterflies are however not very different. Yet different. 

Or somersaults? I am very confused.

2. Never settle for less than what you deserve. 

It's a rather elongated version for 'Never settle'. I mean, doesn't never settle say it all already? Why add other 6 words that make it longer. Younever hear anyone say, those 8 words changed my life. Two words. 

Or, three words. Say it. And I am yours. (Ch-air reference.) I am really going to start watching Gossip Girl again. That show is full of worldly nonsense and over-dramatic-love. I love it.

I don't understand the point of this email.

It's like word vomit.

I am dying to write something. Dying to make myself feel things that helped me vomit words that came out like poetry. Writer's block? Perhaps. Or just absence of something. Possible. 

Swati Jain

During her phase of writer's block 

Waiting for Romance

Wandering on these lonely roads,

Looking for solace,

Lying low.

Spurting with idle thoughts,

And rhymes of a lonely love,

Dawdling under the dusk.

With scattered thoughts,

Of all romance,

Nothing to break my reverie.

The soothing sounds of the sea, found me,

The softness of sand, beneath my feet.

Strolling at a slower pace,

Staring out at the water.

A mirage of my dreams,

Appearing in the water.

A blank lonely canvas,

Waiting to be painted in red.

A mind in its trance,

Dancing to the tune of its own making.

For a lover of romance,

Romance, I am waiting.

Swati Jain

January 25, 2014

Lost in Translation

Yeah, so I attended the Jaipur Literary Festival (or is it Literature Festival? I could never remember). As usual, the event was heavily commercialised and I don't even know why some of the people were speakers at events at which they were speaking. But this can always be found in every JLF you attend. However, another thing that can also be found always in JLF are ideas. The speakers might not always be that good, but sometimes, they leave you with terrifying ideas. I attended 7 events, out of which one managed to ignite something in my brain.

On Sunday, there was a session on translation. I've had a teacher who takes translation very seriously, so I was very interested in this event. This event ended up being a disappointment in terms of its content. However, just thinking about translation got me wondering: Suppose I was writing in English about something and I'm not able to express it properly. So, my narrative has the chances of being broken, insufficient, and wanting of something. I've read texts which present this wanting in all its beauty. Now, my narrative can have this wanting deliberately or accidentally. Deliberately in the sense that I want to create this sense of wanting. Accidentally in the sense that I want to convey something to the readers but I can't because of reasons that could include me not knowing the words to describe what I want to perfectly, the words not existing in the language I'm writing in, etc. If someone was to translate my text, and they were translating it in a language that had the words to describe what I wanted to convey in my text, assuming that the translator knows those words, should the translator use those words or leave the narrative wanting?

Personally, as the author of the text, I wouldn't want to erase the sense of wanting that my text creates. However, as a translator, I'd want the text to reach its full potential, which it can if I use the words available to me in the language I'm translating in. 

What would you do? Would you capture meaning or would you let it go?

Until next time.

Yours, 

Orange

The Road Not Taken

So. 2014 is turning out to be a pretty good year for me. I mean, I quit the course I hated, I got a job I love, and then there are more romantic opportunities budding in this year for me (and not just because I joined a decent dating site where nobody asks me if I want to have sex with them, thankfully).

With topping my class in the semester, I was finally tired of being overvalued. The reason why I don't like topping is because it makes me feel like I have nothing new to learn. So, I quit that. Then I got my job as an editor in a commercial fiction publishing house. I wrote 25k in a week. Yes, believe it. :D :D

And then there was this incident yesterday. I was going to my college for a lecture yesterday. So, I went into the metro station, put my bag (which had my laptop) in the scanner, went in for checking, came out, saw that the bag was coming out just as I did, picked it up and went on my way. When I reach college, I open the bag to find out it's not mine. I start freaking out and my friends ask me to be calm. We search the bag for any information on the owner of the bag. We come across a booking of an airline ticket. We contact the agency that booked the ticket. We got the number of the guy. We called they guy. Apparently, he didn't even know that our bags had been exchanged because he hadn't opened the bag yet. So, we meet at a metro station and exchange our bags. Then we go or own ways. A while later, he texts me saying that we should meet some other time too. And then he starts flirting. To my horror, I start flirting back too. Then I tell my friend that they guy's flirting with me. She tells me to block him. Good sense prevails over the desire to have a life that resembles a romcom movie. I block his number.

These are the roads taken and not taken till now.
Stay tuned to find out what 2014 brings for me!